No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Randomize
