Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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