My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize