I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
