After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
