Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
