toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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