I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
