His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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