just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Found the puke drawer
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
