he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
