i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
