He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
