no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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