im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
