oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
