I'm so fucking centered right now
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
