Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
