I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
