So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
