Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
