How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Someone signed my nipple.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
