I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
