take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
