You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
