Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
