there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
