shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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