Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
