i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
