ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My dick has a subreddit
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
