Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
