i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
