she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
