I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
