I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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