I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
