lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
