How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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