I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
