My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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