I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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