what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
