so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
