There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
