Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
