Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
