i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
