I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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