One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
