Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
