I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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