Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
