you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
